like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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