Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
