John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
