im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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