The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
