Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
