the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
