I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
