I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
