so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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