Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
