I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize