I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
