Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
