Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
