i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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