I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
