i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
