Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
