I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
