YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
