did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ttyl tear gas
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
