You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
