Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
