I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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