Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
