im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
