I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
