based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wear drunk well.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
