shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
