why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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