i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
