Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
