Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
