Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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