Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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