evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
