Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
