This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
