Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Liz is crying about burritos again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
