I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
