Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
