You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
