I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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