Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
