Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
