we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His hands were made for my vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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