Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
