my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
