Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're earring is so big in my mouth
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
