Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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