Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
