the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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