Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
