Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
