I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
