dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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