I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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