don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
