just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
