Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
