and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
