The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
