i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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