Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
