All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
