Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
