I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
