I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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