And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
