no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
