He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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