My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
