So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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