hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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